Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
