he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
