There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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