Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
