singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
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The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
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So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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