My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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