Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
