dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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