Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
