I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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