She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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