do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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