So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
