We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
