low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize