You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Even my vagina gasped.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
