Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
