I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
