Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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