Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
