It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
