he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
