she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
