You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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