he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
