I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
