I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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