U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
