and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
