I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize