I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
