My nipple is on Facebook.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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