Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
whose ass print is on the piano?
Can I color on your dick again?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
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