Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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