I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
