yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
