well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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