Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
