he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
