He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We have so much sex to catch up on
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
