I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
