I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
