You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
