It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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