Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
