The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
