You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
