For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
