i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
