she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
