I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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