she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
