i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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