barbara walters just said penis...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
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