There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Actions speak louder than pants.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
