I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
