Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize