Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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