:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Your cock deserves a montage
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
