how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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