there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
