This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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